I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We need to get me chipped asap
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
