i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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