She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
