The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
