Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
