Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
