Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
