Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
