wrigley field is MILF paradise
just come out here and I will go home with you...
you guys were way drunker than both of me
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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