Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
