Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
