birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
