In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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