Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
