The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
