He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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