Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
