There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
