you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
