You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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