Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
