so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
