If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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