Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
