oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
