Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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