somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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