considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
