You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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