I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
