he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
