You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
he just fucked me for my cheese.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
