gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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