I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize