I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
