Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
