that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
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