and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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