she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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