life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
