i just wanna soil my oats bro
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
