Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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