I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
