i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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