come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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