dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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