You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
