There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you win again, gameday.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
