If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
