I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
