My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
