Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize