He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
