Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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