life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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