Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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