My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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