I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
