I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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