So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
