you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
The air taste purple.
Randomize