Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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