I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
