i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
