If that was your dad, he is hot
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
