just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Randomize
