I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
