I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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