I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
