And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize