I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Randomize
