his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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