I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
