gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
