I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just made out with a guy for $7.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
