Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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