I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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