its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
